WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

• INTRODUCING: DENISOVANS! Ladies and Gents, it looks like there was once up to 4 different kinds of humaniod species roaming the earth -- Neanderthals, Hobbits, modern humans, and now Denisovans! So exciting. It looks like this species existed in southeast Asia and Australia and bred with modern human. I love how the concept of the evolution of man is changing! This is beyond fascinating!
• North Korea's minister of armed forces said on Thursday its military was prepared to wage a "holy war" against the South using its nuclear deterrent after what he called Seoul's attempt to initiate conflict.
• A wave of holiday terrorism has hit Rome. Both the Swiss and Chilean embassies were attacked with parcel bombs. Thankfully nobody was fatally injured.
• Former Argentine dictator, Jorge Videla, has been sentenced to life in prison for crimes he committed against political prisoners in 1976.
• So in addition to the mini-Ice Age upon us, it looks like 2011 is going to have one hell of a hurricane season for the Atlantic coast. I guess right now is a good time for me to make sure my parent's place in Hallendale is prepared!
• Julian Assange is telling US journalists that they should basically be behind him because the people against him are against the First Amendment.
• UNICEF and religious leaders in Indonesia are joining forces to promote breast feeding. Right now, less than 33% of infants are being breast fed in Indonesia ... and scientists have found that breastfeeding is one of the most essential things a month can do for a baby to make sure it's healthy.
• A man in Bangladesh was beaten to death by his four wives, once they discovered he had four wives, which is legal in Bangladesh, but only with consent from the other wives.

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

• Today's a good day for minorities: Looks like America is making good on land we stole and lives we ruined: Obama just signed a law to pay back monies owed to Native American for royalties dating back to 1887! As well as Black farmers who had been shut out of government aid.
• And in a really amazing move, The Dream Act was also signed. This act would allow any individual who came into the USA illegally under the age of 16, who completed high school and 2 years of college and/or military service, to receive citizenship. A truly remarkable move that demonstrates the ability for people to access what's left of the "American Dream."
• This is an interesting article about how Twitter is becoming the an awesome tool for dissidents. Wanna know who is on the target list for supporters of Wikileaks and humanity in general? This piece will let you know.
• A man imprisoned in Guatemala has some really really really great friends: 15 men stormed the prison he was in for murder and got him out. They also killed two people in the process.
• Stop pointing laser pointers at planes as they fly overhead. Those things are strong and the pilots are getting distracted.
• Apparently the job market is on an upswing. I call bullshit.

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

So much news to report. I hope I can get this done in a timely manner. Happy(?) AIDS day, by the way.

• The biggest news ever, in the whole world -- so big that it's out of this world: NASA is holding a press conference tomorrow at 2pm about an "Astrobiology discovery." In other words: They probably found life on other planets. HOLLUR! To watch the conference at 2pm tomorrow go here.
• The estimates are in and it looks like $1Billion was spent on Cyber Monday, making it the biggest ever. Maybe they should consider having a Cyber Monday midyear as well? Maybe people spending money before their Jobless Benefits end today.
• Over 100,000 people apply for 1,000 available positions as flight attendants for Delta -- making it one of the most popular job searches since American Idol. Either that, or a lot of people love inflatable slides.
• Bank Of America got some special treatment since the taxpayers were supporting it's ass. Basically, they hid the fact that they gave $6BILLION in bonuses to Merrill Lynch employees before acquiring ML ... and then, when they were caught for being sneaky, they only had to pay $150 Million to settle a securities law violation. Bogus.
• Speaking of bogus bullshit - the average American might have to pay an extra $1600 in taxes due to the shit economy. Thanks Bank of America! I wont be too upset if B0A are the next wikileak victims.
• Speaking of wikileaks... Assange, the man behind the leaks, is on Interpol's most wanted list, but not on Interpol's guestlist.
• Looks like the Egyptian elections were rigged this year (and every other?).
• North Korea and South Korea are still fighting it out. SK said that NK is totally gonna pull their earring out and cut them with a razor they hid in their mouth. Everyone just wants them to get it over with.
• Another day, another incident of the TSA being total d-bags. A woman in a wheelchair went through security in a bra and panties so she wouldn't get felt up and violated (again). The TSA agents weren't pleased and made her miss her flight. Americans: 0, Terrorists: 1000.
• Speaking of Terrorists... our environmental terrorizing government decided to give the coast of Florida a break and ban offshore drilling for another 7 years. Horay.
• Don't Ask, Don't Tell is still up in the air. Nobody can decide what the report the Pentagon just released means exactly. So uh... if anyone can essplain it to me, that'd be great. It's ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING that there isn't a screening for the mental capacity of soldiers but there is one for their sexual orientation. You can't bang someone of the same sex but you can kill innocent civilians FOR SPORT BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING LUNATIC. So gross.
• Russia is working with America in finalizing an agreement on Russian baby adoptions after an American woman ruined it for the rest of the world by returning her adopted Russian kid by buying him a one way ticket to Moscow and having him board a plane alone with a receipt.