WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

We are so fucked.

• North Korea struck South Korea overnight. The North claims the South struck first, the South claims otherwise... and basically EVERY SINGLE SUPER POWER NATION IS REALLY FUCKING SCARED (a history of the conflict between North and South is here). People are scared that if the North and South start fighting, it will cause each region's ally to step in and do what ally's do: join in. North Korea's (basically only) ally is China. South Korea's ally is the United States. China and the USA are already comparing dick sizes, and neither country really wants to pull their balls out. Everyone is basically saying that that North is acting like a bunch of assholes. Russia sees this as a "colossal danger" and Obama is "outraged."And the French are like "zoot alors!" and have already surrendered.

  From CNBC: Asked about the North's motives, Pentagon Press Secretary Geoff Morrell said: "I don't know. This is an extremely unpredictable government in Pyongyang and they do things that you could not possibly have predicted in a rational world."

  Meanwhile:

  North Korea threatened to continue "merciless" strikes on South Korea on Tuesday after the communist state launched a deadly artillery attack across their western sea border.

• Speaking of China, looks like they're the leading cause of Greenhouse Gas emissions. Way to go, dudes.
• The death toll for the Cambodian stampede has raised to 345. The stampede occurred at a Water Festival -- a yearly celebration of a military victory which includes boat races and prayer for rain -- and has been considered one of the biggest tragedies to hit the country. A reporter claims that panic struck when a suspension bridge started to say and police started shooting water cannons at a bridge in an effort to get people to move in a certain direction.
• SOME GOOD NEWS!: The UN stated that the world AIDS crisis is starting to slow down! And not only that, but there appears to be a daily pill dosage that helps gay men not catch HIV! It's still undetermined how it will work with heterosexuals, but it's proven to work nicely for the gays! Horay!
• Unfortunately, we're trading one preventable disease for another: looks like half of Americans will have diabetes by 2020. Stay away from high fructose corn syrup, people.
• More TSA bullshit ... it might extend to trains and subways. Meanwhile, people are raising concern about the TSA spreading diseases because they're not changing their latex gloves before each crotch gram. The terrorists have won.