It's been a while since i've been really personal on this thing and since I'm finally almost positive that nobody is reading this -- like it was in the old days when i started this blog and would blog in detail about my daily adventures -- i feel like i can be personal again. Which is good, because i have terrible memory and need some sort of memory helper. i know that keeping a personal diary might be better, but i lose everything, so i guess i'll keep some shit in code or something.
Since i sit at home most of the day working infront of the TV, I watch a lot of Law&Order. A lot. I prefer SVU and Criminal Intent because i fucking love Vincent D'Onofrio and how his character tilts his head whenever he's figuring something out.
One thing that stands out is how much they deal with sociopaths. Brandon ended up buying a book about sociopaths and I ended up looking it up on wikipedia, which led me to Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is basically an offshoot of sociopaths.
I started noticing that there are a couple of sociopaths in my life. It's a pretty big statement to suggest that someone is a sociopath, but i'm also the perfect person to attract sociopaths. I'm very forgiving and want to believe that everyone is essentially good and mean no harm. I'm a championt of the underdog, and if i see someone in need, I want to help them out and take them under my wing and let them into my life. This has caused me to get very hurt by people whom I thought were very close to me.
I was able to confirm the chance of certain people in my life as being a sociopath when I sent the description to a couple of mutual friends and said "does this sound like anyone we know?" Only to find that the friends said the same people. Weird.
Thankfully, the people who fit that description I've naturally weeded out of my life, or they were weeded out for me by caring friends. It's kinda weird when you look back at years of friendship and realize the shit that was going on, and the lack of emotion from people, or lack of caring, and how truly distrubing it is.
Thinking about this all made me think about how some musicians could possibly qualify as sociopaths. Their dual personalities, the excessive drinking, the promiscuous behavior, their charm, intelligence, need to move around a lot. It got me to remembering a conversation I had with someone a while back who was telling me about her early experiences with a singer of an extremely popular emo band. How he would lie about things constantly, fuck over close friends, and one thing that threw me for a loop - fuck larger girls just so he could call them fat in the middle of banging them. Maybe that dude is a psychopath rather than a sociopath. I dont know. I'm not a head doctor. Or maybe hes just messed up. Maybe they're all just messed up and I'm too focused on the symptoms of sociopaths because of Law&Order, to think that something else might be wrong.