So i'm cleaning out my storage space in my apt and i found a box of cds.... and in the box of CDs is a disc labeled "Kill Hannah in NYC july 2003 photos". I put it in to see the pictures... and HOLY SHIT.
PHOTOGRPAHIC EVIDENCE OF WHY I STARTED THIS BLOG!
OK, so I know I had a chubby phase which i may or may not still be in... but these photos showed off a VERY CHUBBY phase. Like, maybe 20lbs more than I weigh now. My face is totally bloated with beer, my body is bloated... even my feet are bloated! This was during the height of my partying and going out every night with Greg and Raphael (aka the Boyfriends). We would go to all the open bars, get totally wasted, and make out with each other. Meanwhile, my body was slowly expanding and I look unrecognizable. I frantically aimed Karen last night when I found them, freaking out. I couldnt believe how blind I was to my unhealthy behavior when it was staring at me in the face.
While cleaning my storage area, I found tons of bags of clothes filled with size 10 clothes. I couldnt understand why i had size ten clothes in my pocession. I just held them up and looked puzzled as I organized them in a donation pile. Now I know. What the fuck.
All those blog posts with people saying i looked gross were right.
Holy fucking shit.
Meanwhile, I was making out all over town with every dude, having the time of my life. But oh my god. I dont even want to share these photos because they're sooo ... I just look totally unhealthy. I have no problem with healthy weight gain. No problem at all. But this is straight up bloat. I think the reason why I was able to go out every night and party til 4am each evening was:
1. I was drinking 8 beers at least an evening. So i was basically blind drunk. I found photos where my eyes are close, but i'm standing or dancing.
2. I must've been storing reserved energy in the bloat/fat like a camel.
3. The music scene was really awesome then.
4. I was definitely chasing/running from something.
Here's a photo... mind you, this is a more flattering one... with Greg and Raphael: