SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF...

I had the best dream lastnight. It was that this boy that I was obsessed
with when I was younger found me while I was on a cruise ship with my bf
and told me that he's single now and he'd love to hang out... and my bf
said it was ok. I haven't really thought of this person *in that way* in
like, nearly 10 years, and so seeing him was enough of a treat, but
having his affection -- finally, after all these years, was too much to
handle.

In my dream I kept on pinching myself -- LITERALLY pinching myself to
see if I was dreaming, thinking "this is too good to be true!" and in my
dream, I didn't feel the pinches and knew that it actually was... too
good to be true. I started hitting my arm, trying as hard as I could to
prove to myself that I wasn't dreaming, and the boy was like "what are
you doing?!" leaving me to explain my actions.

I never felt compelled to pinch myself in a dream before, and never
thought people actually did it. I never even thought I could dream so
lucidly, as to be confused between dreams and reality. I don't think
anything is lacking in my life (except for money), and my interactions
with this boy were G-rated, and all infront of my boyfriend in my dream
(simple pecks on the mouth)... but my God, was I happier in that dream
than I have been in a while. I think a lot of it has to do with that boy
being a manifestation of an extremely care-free and blissful time in my
life. God, I was the happiest person in the world when I was 19. I
barely drank, I think the amount of time I smoked weed I could count on
one hand, and I listened to music with the unbiased ears of a newborn.
Infact, losing that boy's attention is part of why I jumped into a
confused downward spiral of trying to forget things that upset me with
drinking... or trying to relive them with careless inhibition. I don't
fault the boy. It certainly wasn't his fault at all. I had this
obsessive crush and I probably got too creepy for him, which I guess can
happen.

I just really wonder why he was in my dream. What was the symbolism? Why
did I insist on proving to myself that it was a dream, instead of just
enjoying that moment.