Friday, September 30, 2005


I was sitting at work, minding my own business when I came across an article about the man who invented Valium. In the article, it said: "Sternbach, an award-winning chemist who helped the Swiss drug conglomerate Roche Group build its U.S. headquarters in Nutley, N.J., after fleeing the Nazis during World War II, died in Chapel Hill, N.C., after a short illness late Wednesday. His wife, sons and other relatives were at his side, according to the company."

Which sparked a rather morbid IM conversation with a close friend of mine:

Ultragrrrl: i hope i'm not alone when i die.
my friend: You won't be
Ultragrrrl: i jsut read an article about the inventor of Valium. he died yesterday and the article said he was surrounded by his wife and kids when that happened, and at that moment "in an aeroplane over the sea" came on, and i thought, wow, I really dont want to be alone when I die.
Ultragrrrl: I hope not.
Ultragrrrl: Who knows, i could die in my sleep. i could die in a car accident. i hope when i die, it's while i'm with someone who loves me so they can continue living knowing i didnt die alone.
my friend: You won't be alone
Ultragrrrl: do you plan on killing me to make sure that happens?
my friend: Yeah but if you're dead, you're dan.
my friend: Dead
my friend: Not dan
my friend: You're sarah
Ultragrrrl: I dont want to be Dan.
my friend: Hehe
Ultragrrrl: My dog died in my arms. She wasn't alone.
Ultragrrrl: it's so weird when you think about life and how pointless it is, yet I want to live.
my friend: Totally pointless, yet totally desirable and urgent.
my friend: If you think about it, nothing matters.
Ultragrrrl: nothing matters AT ALL.
my friend: Because in the end your alone and you die
my friend: Its so depressing
Ultragrrrl: in the end, death is the only constant.
Ultragrrrl: we live in social order because people are essentially social creatures who want to experience things with people.
my friend: Morrissey has the most touching lyric about life and death
Ultragrrrl: what is it?
my friend: "When I'm lying in my bed, I think about life and I think about death. And neither one particularly appeals to me."
Ultragrrrl: i havent thought about that lyric in AGES.
my friend: I think about it everyday
Ultragrrrl: i suppose humanity is nothing but a chain reaction.
Ultragrrrl: you need to not be in dispair so the people around you aren't in dispair, and the people around them.
my friend: I want everyday of my life to be amazing
Ultragrrrl: i want everyday of your life to be amazing.
Ultragrrrl: wow!
Ultragrrrl: i feel like the only thing that i'm ever anxious about is money. i want money. i dont want to let people down financially. but lately, i care a lot less about things. I didnt have sex cause i was completely in fear of it. I didn't do drugs cause of fear. but i dont know what i'm scared about.
my friend: Yeah
Ultragrrrl: i think about death a lot these days, i think cause people i know are dropping like flies.
my friend: Aw
Ultragrrrl: i dont mean that in a sad way.
Ultragrrrl: i just mean it in a reality way. at least art lasts forever.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this subject they care to share?

Or you can enjoy this Mock Trailer of "Shining" that Paul Hanley sent me.

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