Monday, September 5, 2005


I started off replying to a post someone posted in my comments section and then decided i should really just post a new thing cause it's been over a week. Touring was a delight, by the way. I got to live in a bubble for a while. But being sentimental is useless.

anyway, the comment that i was replying to:
"i totally agree w/sluggy. h duff is working all hipster/rocker angles to avoid becoming irrelevant. and "punk rock" is shopping mall cool in 2005. the cheese-ball good charlotte guys produced most of her recent album, for example. and even ultra hispters are buying into it - look at how she's hung out at misshapes and even dj-ed there. do you let hillary duff dj at your party because she's going to drop the fucking jams and freak everybody out, or because you want the press, the repuation for knowing celebs?
the truth is that she's a very pretty corny child star who makes very corny pop music and who can buy herself into some credibility - the nyc kids here seem pretty willing to help her along."

My response... which turned into a rant:
it also turns out that she happens to be a super nice girl as well.

in my family it's not uncommon for 17 year old girls to have 28 year old boyfriends who then become their fiances and then their husbands. i dont see what the bid deal is. In other countries there would be no age issue. America has an interesting way of holding down kids from being adults asap (drinking laws, sex laws, voting laws, etc).

when you're treated as an adult from a young age you act like an adult.

also, as far as djing goes... it's not like i'm the most talented dj either. there's no understandable reason why people come to see me dj. but they do. and i appreciate that. so there's really no difference betweeen me and duff, really. we have the same taste in music. when she djed, she played basically what i would've played.

fuck all this bullshit anyway. tens of thousands of people fucking died in Louisiana and more are living through hell. a fucking horror movie brought to life. they're seeing things i could never even begin to imagine. who the fuck cares who has cred. who sold records. who is hanging out with whom. whom is dating whom. fuck all that fucking bullshit. fuck this. fuck that. fuck the word fuck. i hate myself more than ever for not having any money to send to the cause. i'm scouring my room looking for shit to sell. blankets to give. clothes to donate. anything. i'm worthless. i'm useless. i've done nothing but cried in horror when imagining what's going on. i have friends who are missing loved ones. i have loved ones who are missing friends. and here i am in my fucking room, watching vh1, finding a refuge from cnn on the internet. FUCKING REFUGE? for me? what? from the beautiful day outside? from the friends calling to hang out? fuck me. i suck.

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