Monday, August 14, 2006


I've been contemplating my life lately. I look back at my super-old journal entries when i was running around NYC making out with a different boy every night or just with Greg the Boyfriend-who-was-never-my-boyfriend every night, and I think "am i having more fun now?"

I used to go out every night til 4am, wake up at about 10ish, get to work around 11ish (usually, the thing that got me to the office before 11 was getting an Egg McMuffin next door to SPIN's offices), remain at my desk completely lacking any function, while listening to british sea power, franz ferdinand, or interpol all day long.

These days I'm in bed closer to midnight, although, Brandon has been really good about getting me out of the house til later. But when I'm out, I want to be home. It's pointless to be making out with random boys at bars when I've got the best boy I could ever want with me. I used to stay out late chasing the evening, looking for love, looking for fun, looking for adventure, and now that's all at home. I don't really dance much anymore, because I don't have anyone to dance with, and I feel like a horrible dancer these days.

These days I require more sleep. I'm at the office til late and I work my little brain all day long. I want to make my bands successful and don't want to be out every night getting loaded and totally ruining their chances. They're the artist. They're the ones who should be gettig shitfaced.

That said, I'm really trying to find a better balance. Balance my new homebodyness with an attempt to find the wreckless sarah of yesteryear. There's no reason why my alterego, Buckets, can't be brought back to life just cause i've got an animal family at home. I've even stopped listening to so much fucking emo to get to this point. I opened my CD case from a few years ago and have been putting everything in my iPod, trying to get closer to the truth.

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