I HOLD THIS HAND ON MY SHOULDER

I have a big butt. I'm OK with this... now. It took some getting adjusted to and dealing with finding pants that would accommodate this situation (short legs, big booty). I found that Rainbow stores always had pants that worked in my favor because a lot of their clients are latino and black and fit a similar body type as me. Usually when buying underwear, I dont kid myself. I know that my booty isn't gonna fit very well into a small, so I go for the medium and sometimes the large. That's ok. Make the best of what you've got, right?

At Bamboozle I notice that Nightmare of You got some really adorable new underwear from American Apparel that said stuff like "my name is trouble" and "i wanna be buried in your backyard" on the backs. I grabbed a pair of the latter in large since it was the only size they had and grinned at the silliness of them. The next day I put them on. This time I was laughing at how unbelievably tight they were at every opening. The thigh areas cut off the circulation on my legs and the waist band was comically tight. Seeing as I was at the end of the rope for laundry, I just grapped a pair of scissors and snipped the waistband and the leg holes a bit... horrified. A size large? WTF?

Anyway, I forgot about that pair of underwear until the last of my laundry came into play and I had no choice but to reconcile with my bottom heavy figure. Seriously? I know i have some added thickness, but how thin are the American Apparel fit models that a size large is a joke on my typically sized medium backside? I told a friend "how many backyards do I have to bury you in? because according to these undies, i have more than one."

The result of this story? Less carbohydrates and I'm joining the gym this week.

For sitting through that rant, i'm giving you the gift of a youtube link to a ton of Patrick Wolf videos. My favorite is the video for "Tristan":