TO HELL WITH YOU AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS

I'm home sick at the moment, and not totally with it. My mom dropped my blind/deaf 15 year old shih-tzu at my apartment at 8am this morning so i could baby sit her. I took her for a walk and just as we were about to come back into my apartment she had a seizure. She started flayling her legs about and just flattened down on the ground while sticking her tongue out. I didnt know what to do. She's had strokes before I think, but I don't think I've ever had to deal with one of her seizures. With humans, seizures come and go, and the person can be normal. I'm hoping this is the case right now, cause she's just sleeping.

Wednesday was the first night of Rosh Hashanna, marking year 5023832 in the Jewish calendar. My family did dinner at my parent's house where we discussed my dad's suddenly lucrative eBay business. He produced an envelope that had the signatures of a bunch of former presidents that he bought in an auction and told us of his plans to sell it. I started to feel sick and faint, so i left the table as my brothers were yelling at him for bringing the autographs to the very messy dinner table.

You know the thing about the jewish holidays, and i'm sure the heeb ladies will back me on this one, is that it's hard as fuck to find something decent to wear for Shul. Karen and her roommate Brigid call the clothes that you can wear on the holidays Shul-friendly, and the problem with these clothes is that they're just sort of ugly. Long, personality-less skirts, boring tops, boring jackets, boring shoes. So i decided to wear this black dress and sienna miller/kate moss inspired belt and slouchy black suede boots. I was covered up very well... the only problem was that i decided to put on my make up in the car and apparenly ended up looking like a goth. My lipstick was too red. my eyes were outlined too darkly. My brothers reminded me that i wasn't going to misshapes, while my mom said that she loved the way i was dressed. I go to this super posh upper west side shul for sephardics, and got a few stares. One woman asked me if i changed my look. She had the same name as my mom's mom, Fortunee.

After shul we headed to my dad's sister's house in brooklyn for a marathon lunch that ended around 7. Then we went to my mom's brother's house for dinner. My family does nothing but eat. Seriously, i know people comment on my weight sometimes, but it's seriously a wonder that I'm not obese considering the way my family eats. By the end of the evening, my brother's and i were in agony. I got to hang out with my teenaged cousins though, which was awesome. We just sat there for an hour or two talking about the emo bands they love and how they think the Taking Back Sunday song is about pulling a fat girl. My cousin Eric is so cute. He looks like a combination of Jake Gyllenhaal and Frankie from My Chemical Romance, and will totally be a lady killer in a couple years.

More to come... my mom just arrived to pick up my dog.