I'VE GOT THE BALLERINA BLUES

Tuesday night SPIN had our annual Christmas (Jews are invited too!) Party for staffers. Being on the sober tip, and finding myself breaking the news to the higher ups (much to their dismay... no, i will no longer be your drunken party monkey... i will still be the party monkey tho), I spent the night nursing a seltzer. The seltzer got mixed up in a sea of Gin and Tonics and when I sipped from the wrong straw I winced. Is it possible that I've actually managed to kill ALL desire for alcohol? I don't have any cravings at all. I go out fairly regularly, and I've had more drink offers than I could ever remember, and have managed to feel absolutely no pressure to drink. None.

This sobriety made my trip to LA last week all the more tolerable. Previously I would be bummed out about not being able to drink since I'd have to drive. Or bummed that I had to rely on a designated driver to get around, but this time around I was the DD. I was the one behind the wheels. Those wheels in question belonged to a white pick up truck that my friend dubbed "The Lesbian Truck." Sexy.

Now that I don't drink, I suddenly want to dress better. For the past year or two, I guess since the Strokes made it fashionable to wear tshirts and jeans, I've been dressing like I could care less. I mean, there's another reason other than what's fashionable... I'm very lazy sometimes. But The Vicar, who has dealt with my clothing indifference for the past 3 or so months, has had enough and is trying to reign me in fashion-wise. Slowly, but surely, I'll be dressing like I used to when I was a youth. The other day we spent about an hour talking about how awesome wearing white was. When I told him "I'm confused, a few months ago you pointed out a guy wearing all white and said it looked bad and dated... so it's not?" He said "I said that? I'd like to go back in time and tell the guy he's got style." Like two gay men, we sit and talk about shit like this.

I just hate looking like I've made an effort... which sounds retarded. But I wake up in the morning, climb into the same pair of pants i've been wearing for the past 2 weeks and grab whatever shirt smells the least. It stems from this one time when i was 13 and went over to this boy's house that I liked... his sister told my brother that i had come all dolled up. I thought I looked cute and was proud of the outfit I put together. But my bro passed the comment on to me and I felt embarrassed, and since then, I've made LITTLE effort with whatever I've worn, unless it was a shirt I made or something. But rarely do I plan an entire outfit. Rarely do I want to look like I've made the slightest effort to look good. This is incredibly stupid of me. I love fashion. I went to the Fashion Institute of Technology for goodness sakes. I need to stop suppressing my eagerness to make an "outfit" out of clothes. I've been looking at the Misshapes Gallery for inspiration. It's been inspiring. I'm inspired.

I made a positive step forward while I was in LA last week and finally got my haircut. I previously attempted to get it cut back in June (? i think ?), but the hair dresser charged me a retarded amount of money and didnt even take off my split ends. Amy highly recommended her Swedish friend Nicholas from the band Last Amanda (whose band I coincidentally once posted a photo of on this blog and said "they look swedish"... turns out i was right. weird). Naturally, I was a little worried about getting my haricut by someone I didn't know, and who had no professional training, but I decided to take a risk already. My hair was out of shape, and there wasn't really anywhere else to go but up. So Amy arranged for Nicholas to come over to her house after the Revolution Smile show. I met Nicholas at the show and assured me that he was pacing his drinking that night (since he'd be cutting my hair with a razor). I urged him to get drunk. I saw the haircut he did on someone else, loved it, and knew I'd be in good hands.

A group of us went back to Amy's and it turned into a drunken make over party sponsored by Del Taco (wayyyyyy better than Taco Bell, btw... mmm... veggie supreme). Nicholas cut my hair in the kitchen while everyone stood around getting drunk, eating burritos and arm wrestling. He went conservative at first, not knowing how i'd feel about it (I gave him a photo of Stacy Dupri from Eisley that I found in Nylon) and then I told him to just do what he wanted. He did a great job and I urged him to shave one of the sides so i could be like Annabel from Bow Wow Wow. I dont have any good photos of my haircut, but I'm totally stoked on it. Especially since I've gotten a ceramic hair straightener ($120... totally worth it, i swear, it's a life changer).

Anyway, last night I went to Lit to meet up with Mat, Colleen, Sarah Wilson, John Davis and Chris, and the Nightmare of You boys that I'm adopting. They're the next Brand New, I think, or will be occupying that place in my heart. Minus the Nightmare boys we headed to the Darkroom (cause it's the new Lit... until Bar Eleven is the new Darkroom). I was reminded that the next Kill Hannah album is gonna sound a lot more like their old stuff, which makes me really happy cause that's the fucking jam... so I've been on an old school Kill Hannah tip all afternoon.

By the way, I've been getting endlessesly accosted about my brass knuckles necklace. You can buy it here. I personally keep it on hand for times that I need to regulate.

I think this post needs to end ... NOW.