THE GIBBERISH CONSPIRACY

Today Gawker posted an article about how there's a conspiracy theory going around the web that says that all the on-air reporters that start to randomly speak gibberish is some sort of microwave mind control.

Now, I KNOW that i'm one to quickly jump on the conspiracy bandwagon, but hold up... I think there's something to this. I'm not sure it's as strong as microwaved mind control, but maybe there's something happening.

Here's what I experienced:

About a month and a half ago, I was out at the Interpol afterparty with a bunch of friends. A New York Times reporter asked me if she could ask me some questions for a piece she was writing. I agreed and after answering her questions she replied "Wow, thanks so much for giving me such coherent answers! How do you spell your name?" To which I answered "S-T-N-A no, wait... R-G-L wait. Why can't I spell my own name?!"

It was really weird. Kind of upsetting. Clearly a sign that I need to start wearing tinfoil hats ALL THE TIM.

JOHN P. WHEELER III WAS TOTALLY MURDERED

He knew too much.

This morning I was skeptical about a news story that appeared on EUTimes.

Top US Official Murdered After Arkansas Weapons Test Causes Mass Death

A shocking report prepared for Prime Minister Putin by the Foreign Military Intelligence Directorate (GRU) states that one of the United States top experts in biological and chemical weapons was brutally murdered after he threatened to expose a US Military test of poison gas that killed hundreds of thousands of animals in Arkansas this past week.

According to this report, John P. Wheeler III, Special Assistant to the Secretary of the Air Force, Washington, D.C. from 2005-2008, when he became the Special Assistant to the Acting Assistant Secretary of the Air Force for Installations, Logistics and Environment, was found brutally murdered and dumped in a landfill, and as we can read as reported by Fox News.

And then much to our surprise, CNN reported on John P. Wheeler III's death and have an eyewitness testimony of a parking attendant who encountered the man in a somewhat distressful state:

Parking attendant recounts encounter with former Pentagon official

Wilmington, Delaware (CNN) -- A parking lot attendant in Wilmington described a strange encounter with a former Pentagon official, just two days before his body was discovered in a Delaware landfill.

Iman Goldsborough told CNN on Wednesday that a man she later recognized as John P. Wheeler wandered into the parking garage where she works on December 29 around 6:40 p.m., disheveled and carrying a shoe in one hand.

"'I'm not drunk, I'm not drunk,'" Goldsborough quoted Wheeler as saying.

The man, who wasn't wearing a coat despite temperatures in the 30s, couldn't remember where he had parked his car, and said his briefcase had been stolen, she recounted. Goldsborough said she doesn't think his car was parked in that garage, because she had never seen him before and she knows most of her customers.

Now, i dont mean to seem like i'm adjusting my tinfoil hat, but I am. I seriously can't sleep at night. This is driving me nuts.