HOLY SHIH-TZU

I went home last night for shabbat dinner at my parent's house. It was nice and uneventful as usual. I mean, save for the extra dose of jewish guilt my mom laid on me for not wanting to spend the night -- i just can't sleep in that house without waking up in the worst mood ever. Also, when i walked in my mom started grilling me for apparently smelling like alcohol. She wouldnt leave me alone until i raised my leg higher than i have since quitting gymnastics as a tot and made her smell my jeans. I was like "listen, momizzle, i haven't watched these jeans in like, 3 weeks. they smell like booze because they're drenched in it." She winced and said "you should really wash your jeans." And then my dog bit my face.

My dog, Maxine, is a 15 year old blind shih-tzu. As I was leaving the house my mom picked her up so i could kiss her goodbye. I love her to death (my parents got her for me for my 9th birthday). Anyway, I kissed her and she didnt do anything, but she's so cute that I had to kisser her again and, POW, she freaked out and bit my nose. I grabbed it and gasped. This is the second time she's ever bit my face (the first time she ripped open my lip and i had to go to the hospital), and so I was a bit used to it. However, for some strange reason my eyes started gushing tears as blood started flowing to the floor. It didnt hurt tho. Lucky for me, I love scars. I just wish these scars were more like, on my cheek or something in a Tina Fey kind of way. Insead they're like, deep scars on the sides of my nose that make me look like even more of a drunk than i already am.

If anyone asks, I got beat up.