SHIPWRECKED!

I came down to miami to cover the VMAs, got lost trying to find the EZ Car rental place by the Ft. Lauderdale airport, and am now stuck in Miami until tomorrow morning because all the flights were booked til then since there will be a hurricane here in a bit. The upside to that is that I got to go night swimming with a friend in the ocean. As we were swimming she pointed to a glow i the distance. We stood there watching the glow become more intense with each passing moment, trying hard to figure out what it was. Apocalyptic visions mixed with Lord of the Rings like fantasies were quickly nulled once we realized that it was just a very large full moon rising. I need to stop being so paranoid. We were ready to die right there from either a nuclear bomb or the gigantic eye from LOTR.

Now I'm in an internet cafe and for some reason i cant check my work email from here. I saw Hilary Duff eating lunch and nearly broke down and told her that I loved her new single (i do)... but mostly cause I'm i dire need of human interaction with someone who was at the VMAs so we can discuss how boring they were.

I did get to meet Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, but I'll write about that in SPIN. And I got kicked out of one of the SPIN parties... it was so worth it. Nobody from SPIN knew i was kicked out til the next day though, and thought it was hilarious.

I'm also broke. That's not so hilarious.

ANOTHER BLOG SPIN-OFF

My older brother Lawrence has started a blog. He's a cool dude even if he is technically a Republican. Motherfucker was making me deaf since I was a wee little girl by playing Echo and the Bunnymen, Joy Division, and Bauhaus on our mom's shitty car stereo on full blast when he'd pick me up from Allison Mann's house.

Maybe someone will offer him a book deal in a couple months too.

HELLO STRANGER

Jude Law + Natalie Portman = Bliss (when not in Cold Mountain apparently).

RECOMMENDED ROCK

THE GIFT OF GOODBYE

Last night I bid farewell to my favorite person on the planet, Brian, by attending his Karaoke send off shindig. Before heading over, I went to Gideon's so he could feed my face with a home cooked meal (he's such a good cook, it's retarded), and so he could help me decide on which songs to perform off key. We decided on Madonna's "Like A Prayer" (which i performed twice), George Michael's "Freedom 90," and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Maps."

On my way to Brian's I discovered that this town is out of Sparks and was forced to create a homemade Sparks by mixing Old English and Redbull. It actually wasn't too bad. Anyway, i was gonna write more about Brian's send off, but I'm really just totally fucking sad about this to talk about it more. He's my best friend. I see him almost every other day, if it's at a bar or at my house late at night, and now I'm not gonna see him anymore and it makes me really fucking sad. Anyway, he's moving to San Francisco for a software job. I'm excited for him and I hope it works out. I also hope he gets really rich and can fly me out for sunday brunch.

This weekend I'm going to Miami to cover the VMAs. I'm stoked cause it'll be fun, but mostly I'm stoked because one of my oldest and dearest friends is also going. One time we went to the VMAs (2001) and wound up at this crazy party thrown by Wayne Isham at the Hudson Hotel. The two of us, like little mice, ran to the food table and ate as much as we could before the cleaning people took it away. Then we drank what we could find (champagne!) and sat back as we watched a flurry of random raprockers walk through the door. I recall waiting for the bathroom behind Fred Durst. It was odd. At 6am we were still at the party and the sun began to rise. We sat on some outdoor bench with Linkin Park doing some sort of campfire sing-a-long. It was like camp. We never spoke of it since.

Also going is a new friend of mine who is about to get a crash course in my party life. I hope the new friend is prepared. I hope my new friend and old friend get along well, and most of all, I just hope we all have fun.

I've cancelled my plans for tonight so I can watch the new episode of "TOTALLY OBSESSED" on VH1. The shit is genius. The other day they had this couple that treated this cabbage patch kid doll like it was their son. They took it on vacation, built it a club house, started a college fund for it, talked to it. This couple also had a real life daughter that they hardly seemed to care about and she was very resentful of this fact. Then they showed the dad fishing with the cabbage patch kid doll and I couldn't help but think that either this couple is terribly disturbed possibly caused by a lost of a son named Kevin, or this was a Christopher Gest comedy skit. The whole thing was totally out of Best In Show. Tivo it.

Lastly, Alex Chow is having a birthday party on August 27. If you're looking for a good time, I strongly recommend you go to this hot shot shin dig. I'm not gonna be there cause I'll be DJing at Club Revolver in Miami.

ATTENTION MIAMI FOLK

I think i'm gonna be DJing at Club Revolver on Friday in Miami's fashion district. Please come and say hi as I wont know too many people. This party is like the Misshapes of Miami, for any NYC people who will be down there as well for the VMAs.

A HELPING HAND

I like helping out those less fortunate, so please check out this auction that a reader sent in. I'm not making fun. I really am not. Seriously. I know what it's like to want to earn an extra buck, and if this guy is doing it this way, then more power to him.

ATTENTION GAY READERS AND PEOPLE WITH GAY FRIENDS, OR TRANSGENDER FRIENDS, OR BISEXUAL FRIENDS, OR PEOPLE WHO ARE MAYBE A BIT CONFUSED:

My dear friend Jason asked me to help his friends out by posting this. I love gays, so I said sure:

SUBMIT AT QUEERTHOLOGY.COM

I need your help.  Billy Merrell (author of Talking in the Dark) and David Levithan (author of The Realm of Possibility) are putting together an anthology of nonfiction writing about being young and gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning in today's world.  Knopf will be publishing it in late 2005, and all of the royalties will go to GLSEN (the Gay Lesbian Student Education Network, a national organization ensuring safe schools for all LBGT students -- www.glsen.org).  So it's an important book for an important cause.  Writers can be between 13 and 23 years old, and don't need to be LGBTQ themselves to be in the collection.  Since Billy and David know only so many people, they really need the word to spread about this, to get the most diverse sampling available.  So please forward this on to anyone you know who either might want to write something themselves or who might know someone who'd be interested. 

What we're looking for:
-- Nonfiction about being LGBTQ in today's world;  tone can be serious, humorous -- we're open to anything.  And the form can also be whatever the writer wants (prose, poetry, comic, etc.)

-- Writers must be between 13 and 23 (including 13 and 23)

Where to find out more information:
-- Billy and I have set up a website -- www.queerthology.com -- which explains the anthology and goes into detail about what we're looking for.

-- NOTE:  The deadline for submissions is OCTOBER 15th.  Right now the website says September 15th, but that will soon be fixed).

TONIGHT

FROM THE DESK OF NIKI THE ROOMMATE

Niki believes that Paris Hilton is going for the slow boob job of a little added every few weeks. Notice how she's getting a bit rounder up top? This story is still developing.

MUSIC FROM 1999 ALERT!

I am still trying to pick my chin up from dropping it on the ground in total shock: A Jack Drag song is being used in a Hummer car commercial. I LOVE JACK DRAG! this is such great news. It's a song off of their album Dope Box, but I couldn't remember which since it's been a year since I heard the album... which I highly suggest you buy here. It's a bit like the stone folk implosing roses. I was obsessed with it when i was 19.

IN MY COUNTRY THERE IS PROBLEM

Knowing about my absolute adoration for monkeys, Greg the Goyfriend sent me this. They look like half the boys I've ever dated.

My friend Iann is in love with The Killers. He doesn't love many things -- he certainly hates about 85% of the bands I love -- but he loves the Killers. So much so that he managed to figure out that their Hot Fuss is a concept album (meanwhile, i just thought it was a collection of awesome songs). Here's his breakdown:

"Here's the whole story arc:
Andy kills Jenny "Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine".
"Mr. Brightside" tells why he did it -- hence the lyric "all in my head."
"Smile Like You Mean It" is a memory of them together that he knew she was going to leave him.
"Somebody Told Me" is people whispering that he killed her, because she found out he was gay or had had a gay affair (hence the chorus).
"All These Things I've Done" is him rationalizing it all while being ont he lamb.
"Andy, You're A Star " is the kid who falls in love with him watching him on TV [Iann doesn't mention it here, but in our IM he aptly compared it to "Last of the Famous International Playboys" by Morrissey -- which happens to be our favorite Moz song].
"On Top" is about him being on the lamb.
"Change You Mind" is him having rationalized what he's done and trying to convince his parents or his friends.
"Believe Me Natalie" is Jenny's best friend who brings the cops and he's trying to convince her he didn't do it.
"Everything Will Be alright" is about him in jail, realizing what he's done but feeling it'll be ok."

Well done Iann!

OK. Please don't forget that the Tarts of Pleasure and Death & Destruction are DJing tomorrow at Misshapes.

HAIL TO THE IRON CHEF

I love Divo. I come home after a long night out on the town dancing in circles around my friends who are in town this week to play shows and can collapse on my bed or start nodding off on my couch while watching the Iron Chef and watch them make delightful meals using ingredients i've never heard of. When they use stuff I have heard of -- like chicken -- i'm disappointed. The presentations of the meals aren't as creative and they use whole chickens (head and talons included) which causes me to scream as i cover my eyes. My favorite episode was when the theme ingrediant was octopus that they had to kill themselves. The arms of the octopi were still squirming and moving and flopping in every direction. Tentacles hanging on for dear life... makes me eager to return to being a vegetarian.

These days I've become more sassy than usual. I like people a lot. I think that's my defining characteristic: I like things. I like all things and I typically want all things to like me, however, that's not always the case. I don't like when people disrespect my friends, and I have been having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I think that at the Music show last night I suddenly replaced my usually sunny disposition with a pitbull. The person I faught with called me high strung. Oddly enough, i was practically falling asleep moments before they approached me and my friend (it'd been a long week and I was exhausted from dancing at the show) and started being assholes. One thing shouted out of my mouth was "shut your fucking face you fuckwad." If you're ever in a position where some douchebag starts making inappropriate comments to one of your best friends, that's always a great way to get your anger out since it's so much fun to say!

Fistfights aside, the show last night was so much awesome. Seeing the Music live is one of my favorite things to do. They're like 20 years old and are so unbelievably tight and yet trippy, exciting, psychedellic... no matter what state of mind your in, for the 60 minutes you're listening to Robert Harvey scat like a frog, it's like a fantastic dream. "Bleed from Within" was definitely the show's stand out track. It's like every great idea the band ever had for a song crammed into one 6:27 minute carnival of sensations that was only further improved by the addition of bongos Stuart the bassist started jamming on as if to attempt to distract the audience from watching the incredible Robert Harvey dance around the stage as if he were at some tripped out african bonfire.

After the show, as per usual these days, we (Karen, Niki, The Music, Tim and Co, the 5OH, Kiran, Lauren) headed over to the DarkRoom. The bar's been open a week and already I've found myself there about 3 or 4 times. So have my partners in crime. I'm stoked cause the place is like 4 blocks from my house and it makes riding home at 5 am less scary. I think i'm gonna inquire about renting a booth or something.

God is Awesome cause when we finally pulled ourselves out of the bar, who was standing outside of Luna Lounge? None other than Brian (who has just updated his website with photos from my birthday party!), Meredith and Amy. We danced around for a bit on the sidewalks and hobbled home after DJ Nikki Z snapped an absolutely awful photo of my exhausted mug.

OK. Time for me to rest my bones. But oh la la! A text message just arrived from Antony. The Five O'Clock Heroes are playing at the Delancey next Thursday (26th) at ten. Yay! Go see them. If your a dude, go. Greg the Boyfriend swears that their shows are like a meat market for PYTs in short skirts and fake IDs.

KEVIN AND BRITNEY

People that know me know one thing for certain: i think that Kevin Federline is one hot piece of ass. I could look at photos of him all day long. Now i understand there's a chance i can watch him all day long as well. This is great news.

please sign this

PLEASE

keep all cell phones out of my hands after 5 drinks if i'm still awake at five am.
by the way. i heard i'm the gawker personal of the day. the last thing i need in my life is more boys. i decided to change my photo and put something totally tasteful in it's place.

last night i went to see the libertines. they were good, fantastic actually, but lacked the sexual tension that i love about them. it was heartbreaking to watch carl command a stage that he once shared with someone he so obviously loved with all his heart but had to let go of. no doubt he can do this alone, but i couldnt help but think of pink floyd while watching them. what do you do when your singer goes crazy? you move on. you try to grow from the experience and make the best music you can with what you've got and then end up being a vital band. i wonder if that will happen to the libertines. while watching something so sad, i also felt like i was privvy to something mildly historic in music culture. like we're at the eye of the storm, and something is brewing that might knock my trailer park home on it's side in the near future.

after the show i went to the dark room. my new favorite bar. after my two sparks and two caronas i really should've called it a night. instead my night consisted of me mouthing off my big fucking mouth. i have a new friend. his name is antony and he's in that band the five o'clock hereos aka the cutest band in nyc who are also really good and whom gregtheboyfriend is a big fan of cause their shows consist of a lot of nubile pyt's. i hate being friends with boys in bands, i really do. but he's a cool dude and he's got skills. computer hacking skills, ebay skills, and he can grow a mustache in like, two days. sweet! antony had to deal with my drunken skills for many hours and was very gracious about it. as was his guitarist elliot who is equally cute. i like hanging out with cute boys that i don't touch.

there were a lot of boys in bands. girls in bands. people who listen to bands. and people who say they dont listen to the bands that were there.

a sample conversation from last night.
random boy: excuse me, do you have a cigarette?
me: did you ask me this cause i'm holding a box of cigarettes in my hand?
boy: no. you just look like you would have a cigarette.
me: is it cause i'm short? you think smoking stunted my growth?
boy: yes.
me: here.
boy: you having fun?
me: i am.
boy: do you want to meet carl from the libertines?
me: no.
boy: are you serious?
me: yes.
boy: why?!
me: so i can scare him off by professing my love for his band? no.

and i walked off.

i think feel like hell today. horay.

tonight i'm going to see the music at bowery ballroom. this will be an amazing show. last night robert the singer did a flying kick to my head. ok. he didnt. but he told someone i was totally pissed (drunk) when i accidently fucked up the vowels in her name. he was absolutely right.

what are you doing on saturday night?

HEY, FUCK YOU.

Remember when everyone got all pissy at me for posting this?

Well, the New York Times ran a thing that Scott pointed out to me about the Federline Style.

And a week or two ago i decided to take a photo of all the boys I passed in the five blocks it takes for me to get from my door to the subway. 10 boys with the over sized shirts were counted. Here's photo evidence:


OK. so quit calling me crazy.

HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT

I'm squealing with delight:

ERKLÄREN SIE IHR HEUTE ABEND

On Franz's website there is a link to an mp3 of Paul singing "Tell Her Tonight" in German. Thank you Kris for that info.

I'd like to point out that Franz Ferdinand is not only how a band should look like (The Killers and Interpol are included in this list cause they all might as well share a wardrobe... Oh, the Killers. My Las Vegas boyfriends. I love them. Swoon... swoon baby starry night...), but their members are also what boys should look like in general. Angular faces. Nice hair cuts. Fantastic dressers. For all you Franz Freaks out there, i dont mean to promote my magazine, but there's a seriously hot photo of Alex in the Pixies issue. I mean, i stared at it for like 5 minutes thinking "EVERY BOY SHOULD LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THIS." I'm gonna try to find a way to blow up the image and put it on the inside of my locker.

Boys. Take note:


A blog about the weekend and last night when i found myself knee deep in peanut butter and mormons will be coming up.

TUESDAY NIGHT

Tomorrow I'll post about the weekend and bring this blog back into swing.

Oh, blog readers from Tenafly -- Tiffany Duques got married a week or two ago! Horay!

anyway... Adam Mandel is DJing on Tuesday. Check it:

Tomorrow night August 17, Adam Mandel in conjunction with Deez Nutz Entertainment presents "Sweet Hookups" at Sin Sin 248 E. 5th St. (at 2nd Avenue).
Starting at 9 p.m. DJ Elle and Rukus Jones will be spinning old skool, hip-hop, electronic, 80's, rock and other things that will make your Tuesday not suck.
The music will be hot, the drinks will be cold (and cheap).

Represent, bitches!!!!!

THE KILLERS SHOW TONIGHT

The Killers asked me to DJ before, after, and between sets. So if you're going, please dance. Thanks!

A REMINDER

Wanna be a DJ? If you come to the Tarts of Pleasure DJ gig tonight at Red and Black in Williamsburg, and bring your own music (indie, pop, new wave, rock, hip hop only... no house. no jungle. no songs i can't sing along to), we'll throw you behind the decks and let you bust a move. Don't know how to DJ? That's alright, I'll show you how. You can buy me a drink for the lesson cause really, it's only worth a few bucks.

We're making a drunken ruckous from 11pm - 4am.

MUSE NUSE

From the desk of Karen Plus One Temple Clause:

little known soccer star, chris from muse, has BROKEN HIS WRIST, thereby forcing muse to cancel their remaining appearances with the curiosa tour.

For those of you in Chicago who were bummed... I'm bummed for you! Fear not, they'll be back for a USA tour this fall with the Secret Machines opening. Hot Damn!

ARE YOU A DRUMMER?

The Ooh La's are still looking for a drummer. They're really good and you should move to LA to join their band.

You will love their songs.

SHE WAS AMERICAN?

Julia Child is dead.

THIS IS AWESOME




THIS IS ODD



I mean, it's kind of weird that the king of Rape Rock is a fan of the Smiths. You have to wonder if he knows how utterly gay Morrissey is. Morrissey is so gay that you can catch gay from listening to him. This is why I'm hopelessly devoted to the Moz (so much so that baby #1 is gonna be named Moz). I guess that if at least one mook decided to pick up a Smiths album because Fred was wearing their t-shirt, and liked them, then all is alright and the terrorists haven't won yet.

Speaking of our President, Gays, and Terrorists... My brother suggested that Bush should've said they were gonna fight and keep troops in Iraq until they made gay marriages legal there. He thinks Bush is a retard, is for Gay Marriages, and a republican.

HORAY!

Listen to Adam and the Ants today. At least one song like "Apollo 9". You know, the thing lost on Adam and the Ants was that they were actually really good. Lots of people I've encountered are always puzzled by my love for Adam & the Ants. Please download the best of album. You'll really like it. And if you like it, download the best of Bow Wow Wow. Same band, different singer.

This guy really liked Adam and the Ants more than I ever will.

This Village Voice article makes me happy to have the GIGANTOR JEWISH ASS that i have. Yay. Thanks Gawker for the link.

And speaking of Gawker, MAZEL TOV to Jessica Coen on her new job as Gawker person. Man, I knew her back when she was claiming the bathroom of Misshapes as her own VIP room. Aw.

Oh, and speaking of Misshapes, they've got a fun new gallery up from last weeks hot party.

I TAKE THAT BACK

This is you:


Speaking of monkeys, Supergrass are going on a six date tour of the east coast. Thank you to my new favorite blog ThighsWideShut for the info on my favorite, hottest simians who are celebrating ten years of being ape-like and awesome. When they played NYC in the first quarter of '03, i went to see them 4 times in a row. I was grassed out.

This looks pretty shitty.

Gimme five. Now i eat your face.

Kinda gay.

The Britney and Kevin of rhinos.

HEY, THIS IS YOU:

DEAD CITY SUNBEAMS

Ashlee is eemo now. The star tattoo on the inner wrist is the new white belt. Will somebody please get me and Ashlee together already?

Nicole Richie looking fab, Paris looking weird.

Just watched Papa Roach's new video for "getting away with murder"...
1. jacoby shaddix dropped about 40 lbs.
2. jacoby shaddix wears makeup now.
3. they've stolen a riff or two from muse.
4. they stole a video concept from muse too.
5. yes, i know, muse has stolen a lot in the years.
6. skinny-pseudo-goth-emo is what happens with rape rock goes sour?

SARAH'S SO BORING EVER SINCE SHE GOT OLD

On a normal given evening, let's say about a year ago, I would've been hanging out on the streets of NYC until 4am everynight, coming to work hungover and useless (despite my efforts at sobriety) the next morning. Those days aged me faster than I would've ever anticipated.

These days I'm constantly checking my watch. Is it midnight yet? Can I go home and not feel totally useless and lifeless? There are nights when I've got about 3 things to do and end up blowing them all off in exchange for a quiet night in front of the TV ordering sushi and shutting my brain off.

I think one of the problems is my fondness for saturday night blow outs. I stagger home when the sun is out and sleep until the sun goes down on sunday these days. That is, of course, unless my mom or dad decide to make a surprise visit to my house to either build a wall or drop off my blind dog so i can baby sit her.

Saturday was Brian's birthday party at MisShapes. I spent the day with my mom running errands (which included going to Saks to return the $700+ of bikinis she bought me on a whim in hopes to finally get my ass out of the city and on to a beach for some R&R, and going to Whole Foods to pick up Brian's cake). I made it back home with just enough time to nap for a half hour, eat a bit, watch some TV, and shower so I could get to Brian's house, down a Sparks, throw him in a cab, and dance.

A posse arrived at MisShapes at around 11:30. It was crowded, but not too bad. I met up with my friend Kris who was visiting from the OC (the county, not the TV show). Kris handed me a handful of magic asprins that I took immediately... which immediately meant that I was hyper off the Sparks, drunk off the alcohol, and in love with the world thanks to the magic asprins. I remember dancing at probably 3 am with Greg The Boyfriend and Raphael and some mystery girl as James Iha was DJing. Pretty James Iha with his lovely flowing blond hair. I pinched his ass when I saw him and I think he thought it was some psycho girl he didn't know. I think he was relieved to see that I was actually some psycho girl he knows. I remember him playing the New Radicals song "Get What You Give" that i've been itching to DJ for about 4 years, and have just been too fucking chicken to rock. He pulled it off with grace and the boy can beat match, which is a lot more than i can do on a given day. But I guess when it comes to being a rockDJ, it's just a matter of playing fun songs and not playing Franz Ferdinand twice in an hour no matter how badly you want to.

So anyway, I'm trying to remember the events that happened on Saturday. I can't. I can, but sort of in a way one remembers a really fun dream. One where they're in the middle of a breathing dancefloor with fantastic lights and amazingly loud music holding the hands, hips, hearts of people close to you. I do, however, remember Greg telling me that he's getting married. I remember dragging him outside and possibly rudely pushing people aside so I could get him outside since he had some 'splainin to do. He 'splained. I stood in near silence. And then got distracted when a cute boy from my office walked by and focused my attention on telling this boy from my office how cute I thought he was. How pretty i thought he was was actually what I said.

In reflection, I picture this little "attention span bug" hopping on the heads of people, almost like a game of Sims. The attention span bug was invisibly hopping on Greg's head, and then it hopped to the head of the boy from my office, and then it hopped onto the heads of the Five O'Clock Heros, whom I (dis)gracefully introduced myself to by complaining about their website for not working. This band, by the way, gets my vote for cutest NYC band this week. Thankfully, they're actually really good as well.

My attention span bug then started hopping across the street so I could cheat the long line of Luke and Leroys in favor of a shorter line at some Tavern. I impatiently walked into the boy's bathroom, noticed it full as well, and hopped back onto the women's line. My invisible attention span bug is gonna get me in trouble one day.

We stayed at MisShapes until 5:30. This was after Pete the Doorguy stamped some French ambassador on the face with a reentry stamp. This was after we ate chocolate cake and wished Brian a happy birthday. This was after i made out with Grant. This was after Brian got a photo of my ass crack. This was after Kris pretty much passed out on the couch and talked to me in an amazing slurred speech. This was after flirting with some other boy named Chris. This was after my brother left. This was after a lot of things I'm surely forgetting.

But one thing I'm not forgetting is how much fun it was to be there in the first place. I wish my body was equipped for 4am bedtimes and bar hopping like it used to be.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

Cancel your plans and go see the Morning After (it's a different band than Morning Theft).

Where? Oh, this place called Pianos.

Who? The Morning After + Mic Harrison (of Superdrag) + The Kelly Affair + The Vandervoorts

The Morning After go on and 10:30ish and I once beat up the guitarist when we got really drunk and made him play me his band's demo and I was like "Whoa. You guys are actually good."

Then he gave me a blow job in the bathroom so I would write about his band on my blog. True story.

I LOVE YOU TOO, MAN

But, my heart will go on.

Hey, you know that band called Morning Theft that I told you about last week and said they were awesome and totally a band to watch out for.

Well, they're playing Luna Lounge with The Go Station for free. People I urge you to check out Morning Theft. They're like 90s nostalgia but not corney, totally sexy, and fucking catchy.

Me and my brother decided that the Go Station was totally the new Toad the Wet Sproket. We liked TTWS.

Info:
.morning theft.
thursday, 8/12/04
luna lounge, nyc
ludlow btwn houston & stanton
8pm start, 21+, FREE!!!
w/the go station

DO YOU LIKE PARTY?

Bring your kosher wines to Williamsburg. The Tarts of Pleasure (KarenPlusOne and Ultragrrrl) are DJing!

Also, it's an after party for the The UpWelling, who will be performing at the Mercury Lounge on Friday at 10:30.

KAREN LOVES THE CURE'S MONEY

Check it out: Karen went to Boston for Curiosa this weekend to hang out with her Cooper Temple Boyfriends and all she got were Robert Smith's $82.

Meanwhile, I went to Misshapes and all I got was a crazy motherfucking hangover, a crush on a 1000 boys, and I totally made out with one of my best friends' best friends.

IRONY

Christina rocking the hebrew lettering tattoo. Possibly influenced by her boyfriend Jordan... who must be a jew. Have you seen him?

BEST AIM CONVERSATION EVER

My little cousin Maurice is 17 and in a cover band. The kid is amazingly talented, and i'm not just saying that cause he's my cousin, i'm saying it cause it's true. When Maurice was 15 I took him to see My Chemical Romance and I guess it sort of changed his life cause after that he started listening to better bands and got really serious into performing music. He always had a shockingly good voice with great tone and fantastic pitch, but just totally lacked the motivation to start a band cause he figured he should do like the kids in his school and community and open a store once he finished high school. Finally he realized he could sing in a punk band and started one with his school friends. Mind you, they all go to yeshiva (jewish day school), so they're in the "no shows on friday nights" ghetto. Fun times.

Anwyay, Maurice is an amazing performer. He handled his second show with the charisma and stage presence of a seasoned pro, emulating Gerard Way from MCR.

So we're sitting here on our friday night -- both of us stuck at home cause we've both finished our shabbat dinner at our homes and are winding down. He starts IMing me about some Vice party he saw in Vice magazine. Totally freaking out about all the coke and whores they show. Then he's telling me about a show he performed on thursday in Deal, NJ and how the audience of all these uptight syrian jews started a mosh pit so crazy that he and his guitarist jumped into it. Then he was telling me about covering Muse. Apparently they were about to play "Time is Running Out" but decided to have a little break down into "Bliss" and everyone freaked out. Then we had a half hour conversation about the different pedals Matt Bellamy uses -- which pretty much consisted of me saying "he's got custom made guitars and theyr'e built right in." and him saying "no way!" So if anyone could tell me what kind of pedals matt uses so i can tell him i'd really appreciate it. I just love the fact that I had an IM with my cousin about this. It makes me really proud to be related to someone so fucking cool! He's only 17!

BEST AIM CONVERSATION EVER

My little cousin Maurice is 17 and in a cover band. The kid is amazingly talented, and i'm not just saying that cause he's my cousin, i'm saying it cause it's true. When Maurice was 15 I took him to see My Chemical Romance and I guess it sort of changed his life cause after that he started listening to better bands and got really serious into performing music. He always had a shockingly good voice with great tone and fantastic pitch, but just totally lacked the motivation to start a band cause he figured he should do like the kids in his school and community and open a store once he finished high school. Finally he realized he could sing in a punk band and started one with his school friends. Mind you, they all go to yeshiva (jewish day school), so they're in the "no shows on friday nights" ghetto. Fun times.

Anwyay, Maurice is an amazing performer. He handled his second show with the charisma and stage presence of a seasoned pro, emulating Gerard Way from MCR.

So we're sitting here on our friday night -- both of us stuck at home cause we've both finished our shabbat dinner at our homes and are winding down. He starts IMing me about some Vice party he saw in Vice magazine. Totally freaking out about all the coke and whores they show. Then he's telling me about a show he performed on thursday in Deal, NJ and how the audience of all these uptight syrian jews started a mosh pit so crazy that he and his guitarist jumped into it. Then he was telling me about covering Muse. Apparently they were about to play "Time is Running Out" but decided to have a little break down into "Bliss" and everyone freaked out. Then we had a half hour conversation about the different pedals Matt Bellamy uses -- which pretty much consisted of me saying "he's got custom made guitars and theyr'e built right in." and him saying "no way!" So if anyone could tell me what kind of pedals matt uses so i can tell him i'd really appreciate it. I just love the fact that I had an IM with my cousin about this. It makes me really proud to be related to someone so fucking cool! He's only 17!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAMBO!

Today is Mark "Whatevs" "Uncle Grambo" "Baby Daddy" Graham's birthday. 30th! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE DETROITER.

My roommate, Lindsay, suggests that people send him topless photos of themselves. I'd like to take things a step further and suggest that people send him photos of the "below the belt" region. So send him your crotch shots. Your vag, your cock, your hermapheditey goodness. Send him your shots. His email is: markdgrahamATyahooDOTcom.

Oh, and for extra points, send him photos of boving on tees.

In other news:

If you're looking for something to do tomorrow night I'd like to STRONGLY RECOMMEND the following:

MISSHAPES!!!

For one thing, it's where we're celebrating BRIAN BATTJER'S BIRTHDAY.

I love Brian so much. More than I'll ever love you, probably, and definitely more than i love myself.

As if celebrating Brian's birthday weren't enough, hold on to your peepee for the following:

OPEN BAR 11-1AM.

AND:

JAMES IHA FROM THE SMASHING PUMPKINS WILL BE DJING.

As will:

John Cameron Mitchell from Hedwig and the Angry Inch
and
Jamie Stewart from Xiu Xiu
and
My favorite faux cousin, Melody Nelson from France!!!

People. Do you understand the level of awesome this is gonna be? It's gonna be SO MUCH AWESOME.

I'd like to also mention that at the end of this month I'm losing one of my best friends. Brian will be moving to California to become a porn star/internet mogul. This news is anything but delightful, so please come and pose with his balls for the last time in a long time.

NUMCHUCK SKILLS

I CAUGHT YOU A DELICIOUS BASS

I love it when readers send me awesome things they find out or learn on the job. Robin, from LA, just sent me this since i'm a HUGE fan of ND:

So I know you are a fan of Napolean Dynomite so I thought you would be interested in this.  I was lucky enough to go on a shoot for work to the Staples Center....where the X Games are....on tuesday with Napolean(Jon Heder) and a bunch of Pro Skate Boarders like Bob Burnquist and Danny Way.  It was HILARIOUS!  Napolean interviewed the skaters asking them if they could go mock 30 down the ramp, etc.  The ramp looked like Free Fall at Great Adventure..it was so high they had to take an elevator up to the top.  They called it the MEGARAMP.  Then Napolean went to the top with his bike looking like he was gonna go down.."i'm gonna go! GOSH! Will you wait a flippin second?!"   
 
Anyway if you wanna watch it, or tivo it or tape it....it will be on Kilborn tonight 8/5.  12:30 CBS.  Its probably about 5 minutes...but I think it is gonna be pretty flippin funny.  It will be on before the first commercial. 
 

WHO WRITES THIS SHIT?

Hurry and read this caption before they take it down.

I guess it's been taken down. Here's what it said:
"Team USA's Allen Iverson (news) is mobbed byhis teammates after making the game-winning shit in their 80-77 win over Germany in an exhibition match oin Cologne, western Germany, Wednesday Aug. 4, 2004.(AP Photo/Hermann J. Knippertz)"

this was the photo:

PARTY! WOOO!

There's one little gadget that I've been eyeing for the past couple of months and that's the T-Mobile sidekick. It's this handheld device that has the internet, email, instant messenger, a calander, phonebook, phone, and probably a shitload of other functions that I haven't heard of yet. Anyway, you can apparently buy it for like $150 and then get a rebate and after the rebate it's $99. At least that's what it says here. All my musician friends have been busting them out like they're yesterday's news. But i'm slow when it comes to current events, so for me, it's the future.

So you might be asking yourself, Sarah, what's that gotta do with party? Well, the fine people at t-mobile had a party in LA (i assume it's LA cause Paris was there).

She's funny and hot.

Samaire dyed her hair brown.

This girl looks like my friend Kim TB, who happens to be the prettiest girl in all the universe.

Bijou don't give a fuck. She's like, I'm gonna just throw on whatever. This is why she's awesome. It's almost like she's Paris and Nicki's cousin from out of town that they gotta bring to all the parties cause their parents told them too. And since Bijou is from out of town she doesn't have the cool clothes that the other kids have so she rocks what she's got. But surprise, surprise, she's more wild and crazy than they ever could expect. She becomes the life of the party and in the process manages to warm the heart of the evil puppy killer who gives up killing puppies, meaning Bjiou saved the day.

Or, she'll just look at Nicki and go "Mmmm... Food as Paris catches her reflection in a T-Mobile Sidekick 2.

Speaking of Paris, check out the song she recorded to be her single but it was taken from her and given to someone else, i forget who. Maybe Lindsay Lohan. It's pretty good and if it's actually her singing, her voice isn't bad.

Remember how i once said you should see the movie "Girl Next Door"? Here's a good reason.

This band is called Last Amanada. I saw that photo and said to the gremlins in my head "they look swedish." Googled them, and I was right. Fucking Sweedes.

More party people here.

On a totally different note, I made Karen and Lindsay indulge me in my "If you put the tracks of Muse's Absolution in reverse order and start them at the beginning of the tangent universe in Donnie Darko, i am certain they'll sync up." It did for some songs, but mostly at the end when the clock struck midnight or something and i cued up "Time is Running Out" which then pretty much lined up Donnie's and Matt's shared vocal proclimation of "time is running out!!!" The song then went into "Apocalypse Please" (because I had it going in reverse order, remember) and it fit really perfectly with the world ending in the movie (cause Donnie was destroying the universe to save it) and the part when Matty Bells sings "it's the ennnnnnnnnnd... yaaaaaaaaaauwhoaaaaaa this is the ennnnnnnd of THA WORLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD." Yeah, we were sort of stoned. But it works!!!

Then I went to see Dogs Die In Hot Cars and they were totally fucking great. I remember not liking them when I saw them in London last november but this time around, i guess they got tigheter, and made me dance and be happy and jolly. Andrea and Karen were spot on when comparing them to Dexy's Midnight Runners. Sadly, no overalls. But the singer looks like Josh Hartnett to me.

Pitty Sing also played and whoooo! I don't even feel like it's fair for me to compare last night's show to the one I saw a bunch of months ago. They really fucking great live. The singer reminds me of Matt from Muse a little in the way his vocals are totally over the top but at the same time totally fucking appropriately so. They showed off a bunch of new songs, but the one that i love the most, "Radio," really shined. Thankfully, the band refrained from kicking my ass off stage (due to a sour review i gave them months ago), so they could kick ass on stage.

The night's headliner, Morning Theft, is another band to watch, but when you go watch them, bring ear plugs cause they bring their sound to 11. Musically, they're in the same vain (vein?) as Muse (apparently my favorite band to compare other bands to today), with dramatic and hard hitting guitar lines, and vocally Rob sounds a bit like Kurt Cobain. Little girls are gonna love him.

MIDNIGHT SHOW

America's favorite homegrown party band is going on tour again. go here to find out if they're coming to your town and when you can buy tickets.

... SO OUR COUNTRY CAN BE FREE

Lastnight a bunch of Jews got together to talk about controlling the media and started laughing about this little jem. Sasha Baron Cohen is a motherfucking genius.

When I first heard Radiohead's acoustic version of "Creep" that's on the Trickster EP I cried. So I was overjoyed when Kavin Kavin sent this.

Go to Rothko tonight if you can. Two bands that are totally awesome (Morning Theft, and Pitty Sing) are playing with Dogs Die In Hot Cars. Jenny Penny is gorgeous and will be DJing.

Also, if you don't have tickets to Curiosa, hurry up and buy them. I think they're going for 2-for-1 now, and absolutely worth it. I shit you not when I say that Muse's set was beyond mind-blowing. Matt Bellamy is a genius.

And look. A baby hippo:

ANIMAL CRUELTY?

... or totally awesome?