DEAR JOHNNY DEPP

Dear Johnny Depp,
Why are you so hot? Why must you taunt and tease all of us women who are not married to you (and who do not have your babies) with your total and utter hotness? Despite your hair being over ironed straight, and despite the fact that you have "wino forever" tatted up on your arm, and despite the fact that you have yet to donate your dna to "hotness research," i still love you. This is a love that grows stronger every day. Oh Johnny Depp, how i wish i saw that band that you're in. I would've been up front like I am at Franz Ferdinand and Killers shows and been going "You guys are awesome!" Please let me touch you.